Comical (when you think about it) sayings we've all used.

[SoonerP226]

just had a customer say this "Busier than a cucumber in a women's prison" I guess they like cucumbers in their salads in prison.

Reminds me of another:
Couldn't get laid with a hand full of pardons in a women's prison.

 

[MCVetSteve]

"Could burn a bowl of cereal." Either in reference to cooking, or just general stupidity.
The service members and veterans will get this one, somebody asks if you know where another person is and you respond "nah I just got off of, insert person's name or rank here, watch." Example: "hey do you know where Gunny Smith is?"
Response: "nah I just got off Gunny Smith watch."

 

[TedKennedy]

When I lived in CA I knew a guy that would always make the same comment when he saw a woman with a nice backside: "Look at the turdcutter on that one"

Reminds of the late Bill Henry -
"Look at the sh!tter on that critter!"

 

[Rumur]

My brother told my grandmother one time that his wife had not gained any weight and she said...

"Douglas, you could spread 3 axe handles and 2 snuff can lids across that ass."

 

[twoguns?]

Well.....if we're going there....I once heard an old trucker say "show me a man that doesn't eat his wife's kitty kat and jack off his dog and I'll have them both in a week". Thanks to this, my wife stays home but I've lost 3 good dogs over the years.

"Deez Nutz....."...IKR??

 

[HFS]

Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

How long until….? "Like the cat that stuck his tail in the electric fan, it won't be long now!"


(I really don't have anything against cats, BTW.)

 

[O4L]

As nervous as a cat trying to cover up **** on a four lane highway!