I'm a bit lost guys, my dad is getting old.

[mugsy]

HoLeChit,

Your dad may well qualify for MedicAid, check here - http://medicaid.gov/ for eligibility criteria.
However, as mentioned above IF he is of sound mind and isn't cooperative there isn't much you can do short of a nasty legal fight to have him declared incompetent, a fight that will likely end whatever relationship you have with him.

A very thorough assessment of his needs would also help you in deciding how to go forward. Ex, you say he wears diapers is that due to incontinence or because he cant easily get to the bathroom due to other physical problems? Does he need a nurse, just an attendant, or maybe just a commode somewhere he can easily access? (Don't answer here - those are just examples of how specific you should be in analyzing his situation).

What about part-time going to an adult center? That might leave not totally isolated, he could still sleep at home at night, etc.

I wish you luck and blessings as you work through this issue - it isn't easy but it also isn't hopeless, I speak from personal knowledge, so do not despair.

 

[Glocktogo]

I've been in your nearly exact position with my dad several years ago. It was overwhelming for me, but the best thing I did was getting him set up with Hospice. He was resistant at first, but then realized it was beneficial to him. At the end, he actually regretted not getting it sooner.

Best of luck and my prayers are with you.

USE YOUR SUPPORT GROUP as best you can!

 

[elance]

You mentioned marines, any chance the va could offer assistance?
Like minded folks possibly. .
lost my dad ripe age 47, so not have had to deal with what you are. I pray for strength and courage, and a door open for you.

Elance
oh and lost feeling doesn't leave you. So I'll pray for comfort as well.

 

[ConstitutionCowboy]

I was going to mention the VA as well, but elance beat me to it. If he signed up before the VA closed enrolment for my age group back in 2003, he should be eligible for something.

Woody

 

[UnSafe]

My $0.02, in no particular order.

-Confirm his Medicare status or get him started. See if he's eligible for A and B. Any part D supplements (Outpatient Medication$)?
-Find out what types of civilian insurance or long term care plan he has, if any. Update his life insurance beneficiary list and will if needed. Consider a family trust (Talk to an Attorney). Your mother leaving him may or may not complicate the legal part, but working stuff out in advance will help to prevent any future bitterness.
-Find out his eligibility for VA care.
-If he has some level of dementia, look in to becoming his health care proxy and medical power of attorney.
-Talk to him about his wishes if he can't breathe or eat on his own and what he wants done if his heart stops. Get him to sign Advance Directive and Do Not Resuscitate forms. Keep copies of all of important medical documents in a binder that's ready to go. It's about respecting his wishes while he can still think and communicate.
-Get him in to a Physician or if Hospice status gets started, they may be able to arrange a house call. Never know, he may have treatable conditions that, if managed, might improve the quality of his life. I get the refusal to leave the house part. Anxiety is a major component of agoraphobia.

The end state is to get his affairs in order, as much as is possible. That way, it frees him, your sister and you to make the best of his time left.

 

[dennishoddy]

Another vote for checking into VA care, and Unsafe has some very good suggestions that you really need to look at. Good luck. I went through my Moms year long decline with cancer recently. Its going to be a tough road. Be strong, and ride the highs, forget the lows down the road.

 

[LightningCrash]

Write down the good memories you can remember with him, too. That stuff fades and it sucks to struggle to remember, eg what the name of that place was in Colorado where we went up on the old cart railroad near the former gold mine and set up tents on top of the tailings by the mine.

edit: Found it. Creede CO, here's the cart rails
http://www.corelliasdream.com/SW westerns/old mine railroad.jpg

 

[HoLeChit]

I appreciate the words guys.... He fell in the shower this weekend and couldn't get up until my little sis came home that evening. I'm going to be looking into Medicaid and such, see what I can find out.

We already have a DNR/no life support document written up, and his cremation has been prepaid, we have talked about where he wants to be spread. Haven't really done a will yet, and would a general power of attorney be something that I should consider? He really doesn't have much, other than a house he is upside down on and a bunch of debt. Is there any sort of a way that we could do that legal paperwork without a lawyer? With not having a fortune laying around, I don't feel that a will is good for too much.

The VA isn't gonna do much, as he received a general under bad conduct discharge, if I remember right.

 

[HoLeChit]

Is it bad that I kinda wish that if e is going, that he would just go? Suffering and being helped just isn't his thing, and I hate to see him suffer. I know he would be much happier in other places.

 

[HoLeChit]

My $0.02, in no particular order.

-Confirm his Medicare status or get him started. See if he's eligible for A and B. Any part D supplements (Outpatient Medication$)?
-Find out what types of civilian insurance or long term care plan he has, if any. Update his life insurance beneficiary list and will if needed. Consider a family trust (Talk to an Attorney). Your mother leaving him may or may not complicate the legal part, but working stuff out in advance will help to prevent any future bitterness.
-Find out his eligibility for VA care.
-If he has some level of dementia, look in to becoming his health care proxy and medical power of attorney.
-Talk to him about his wishes if he can't breathe or eat on his own and what he wants done if his heart stops. Get him to sign Advance Directive and Do Not Resuscitate forms. Keep copies of all of important medical documents in a binder that's ready to go. It's about respecting his wishes while he can still think and communicate.
-Get him in to a Physician or if Hospice status gets started, they may be able to arrange a house call. Never know, he may have treatable conditions that, if managed, might improve the quality of his life. I get the refusal to leave the house part. Anxiety is a major component of agoraphobia.

The end state is to get his affairs in order, as much as is possible. That way, it frees him, your sister and you to make the best of his time left.

He hasnt gone to a doctor in over 10 years, and refuses to do so. He has no life insurance and no health insurance. As far as I know my mom and him are legally separated, as she would be considered a deserter in the case of marriage, moving to another state with the intent of abandoning the marriage for a continuous period of over a year. I don't think she has any desire to be involved, and has no interest in any possessions of his.