Honest question

[criticalbass]

I don't know what your family/friend structure is, but I do know that suicide causes ripples that can endure in a negative way literally for generations.

I have seen this several times. If you want to talk, PM me.

 

[OKSpeedDemon]

When I first was diagnosed with cancer I thought about it, and again during treatment. I had a mass on my neck and had a scan done and it showed another mass on my pancreas. I thought that the cancer had spread and it was the end. I've had all of my grandparents except one die from cancer and thought that this is it. Why not just end it and not worry about the going through treatment. Seeing my grandparents go through the radiation and chemotherapy really sucked, and I didn't wanna go through what they went through. I thought about not even going through the radiation and chemo, deep down I knew I was going to do it but there was a lot of hesitation about it. Now looking back after going through a surgery to remove half my pancreas and 6 weeks of radiation and chemo it wasn't as bad as I had built it up to be in my head. Was it bad? Yes! I wouldn't want to do it again and don't see how anyone gets through it longer than 6 weeks. I was at my very limit, throwing up 4-5 times a day, fatigue, no taste, no appetite, weight loss (not really a bad thing), etc. just was taking a toll. I thought about letting go every day. Going through what I was going through and than knowing it's only gonna get worse really doesn't help your outlook on life. I will say that it was all a head game. I had to tell myself all the time that things are going to get better, this is just a temporary thing in life. My dad was a huge help and so was hydrocodone (but that's another story).

There's been several other times before this that my head has not been right and I thought about ending things. Mostly thoughts about life in general sucked and was I really doing the best I could do at the time and didn't think I was wanted or thought I was a failure in life. I still get these feelings sometimes and think would I really be missed. I've come to realize it's all in my head and I just have to tune it out, and think of the good things.

 

[dlbleak]

Yes, I have. Then I thought of the pain I would cause my loved ones if I did. I promise you, you are loved more then you know. Think of the pain out there, and if you do go down that road. Think of the pain you would be adding to the people you care about. We're here just tell us what you need.

this right here. jimmy typed exactly what i would have.
hang in there hawgman

 

[soonerwings]

I can honestly say that I've never seriously considered it. Maybe I've led a charmed existence..I dunno....

That being said, one of the things that has stuck with me from some obscure military "suicide prevention" brief is that going down that road is using a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It can't be undone. It is forever. The problem, by contrast, is not permanent. With help from God and those that are close to you, there is NOTHING that you can't overcome.

As many others have said, if you want to talk about something via PM, I'm here.

 

[mugsy]

Hawgman - in late 2011 my young wife passed from cancer. I like to tell others that for a short while I "looked into the abyss" but I also had four children (four walking, talking and hurting themselves built-in reasons to go on) and deep convictions against self-destruction. I was able to step back and turn away from that kind of thinking. I don't think there is a magic formula to alleviating despair beyond working with anyone who feels like he might wish to hurt himself to help him see that their is value in his own unique being and that there is always hope, even in the midst of pain.
I also had a very powerful example - my own late wife who had very consciously chosen to not give in to despair or any of the fear-driven panic that facing the end brings on in some people. She made that choice because she knew she was providing a living breathing example for four sets of eyes who would learn, for good or ill, by watching how their mother handled this aspect of life.

 

[WWIIDigger]

I spent 25 months going through rounds of chemo, a stem cell transplant and and now all the agonizing side effects of the former treatments--for a leukemia no one in Oklahoma has even heard of. NONE of it fun and at age 64, not easy. Not once in my bleakest times and extreme pains did I want to quit! One has to not "overthink" the situation and take it one day at a time and pray for Gods healing & understanding. We must wait for our calling!

 

[RETOKSQUID]

Almost made the one way trip long ago, if you need to talk, like others here I am available as well.

 

[Grtgoose41]

ive been there man, 2008-2009 were the worst years of my life! Divorced, broke, lost my job, living day to day with whatever i had, which was usually nothing. i remember sitting in my chair with the pistol in my hand........ and for some reason i just got up and put the pistol away and started getting on with my life. i have no idea why i put it up, maybe it was the picture of my kids, maybe it was divine intervention. im just glad i stood up and started living again.

 

[jrusling]

I know there are folks on here that can show true concern for others. I've even benifited from posts and PMs from such OSA brothers and sisters. I say these things so I don't come across as a jerk when I write: please don't respond "Don't do it brother!" when I ask my question.

My question: Have you ever in your life felt like just stopping all the pain by simply ending your own exsistance?

I don't mean to be unkind or rude, because if you feel compelled to contribute, please do. But I'm not aiming for tense tiraids against suicide. I'm hoping for heatfelt and honest exchange. And yes, I'm in a bad way right now. Nothing countless others have been through. Hence the thread.

Having someone close commit suicide, keep in mind the pain that you may cause a lot of people. Their pain will not go away quickly and may last for years.

 

[audiophile]

I too have been there. Financial despair, marital issues (my own wrong doing) and almost losing my house twice.
I just want to say brother, I will pray for you, but please give God a chance. I am not here to preach but my faith saved my life, my family and my marriage. It says in the bible that "whoever finds God, finds life." I believe this to be 100% true. Don't give and talk to somebody. Find help. You have a solid support group here. Just reach out.