Things I have learned in my 65 years of life.

[Aries]

My wife likes gifts, but she likes to pick them out herself. She absolutely does NOT like surprises.

Before we got engaged, I asked her, "So... do you want to look at engagement rings, or do you want me to pick one and surprise you?"

Her exact response was, "Don't. You. Dare!"

 

[xseler]

Invoking someone's middle name is the 'nuclear' option.

 

[Snattlerake]

If at first you don't succeed
skydiving is not for you.

Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy greenish gray meat is bad for you.

Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol

Artificial intelligence will never be a match for natural stupidity

It's not whether you win or loose but how you place the blame.