How many of you guys have been tazed?

[MilitantBEEMER]

Nope, I am a good boy.

 

[cowadle]

Does having the paddles used to start your heart count?

 

[GnometownHero]

Cattle prod fencing battles when we were kids.
Hot fence hit on a bicycle or dirt bike will light you up
I peed on a old barn wall that had a hot hog wire hung on the outside I did not know about and it hit me so damn hard I couldnt walk for an hour and left copper taste in my mouth for a long time
Working installing new light ballast hot and my thumb got zapped while standing on a big ladder. Copper taste for a whole day after that one

 

[Broncos]

Nope Being an SRO could not justify taxering a student to a judge Had to get tazered to qualify to carry one

 

[Camo]

Being in the military and law enforcement, been gassed, sprayed and tased.


All suck

 

[Shadowrider]

Does having the paddles used to start your heart count?

According to my dad they are probably worse. They had to "paddle" him once while he was still conscious. He told the EMT to do what he needed to do. Afterwards he said he'd never say that again...

 

[edl]

I retired right before I encountered these devices.


I will though offer up an alternative viewpoint from a not so innocent bystander.

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary.

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000 volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse effect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple A batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, right?!!!

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries, thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$@$%!@ *!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.

The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.

SON-OF-A-..THAT HURT LIKE HELL!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles. I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return

How many electric fences did you urinate on in your life?

 

[retrieverman]

Whether professional or private, whoever tases me had better hope to whatever higher power they believe in that I never see them again, and I don’t give a rat’s hairy butt how the limp d*i*c*ks interpret that statement.

 

[kirk1978]

Nope but I always prided myself on being a fast runner when I was young while being "followed" by the gentlemen with a badge.

 

[aarondhgraham]

I got tased with one of those types,,,
That shoot two wired electrodes into your body,,,
And the shooter can zap you as many times as they want.

Hit me in the lower back,,,
Right where you would 5 O'clock carry a pistol.

The initial shock was indescribable,,,
I've come across 110 and 220 volts before,,,
This high voltage/low amperage was way much worse.

I stiffened and hit the ground like gravity was turned to "eleven",,,
Flopped like a fish when he hit me again,,,
Couldn't really do much for hours.

Soiled and wet myself almost immediately,,,
In case you are wondering,,,
It was a mugging.

In a way I'm glad the cops never found him,,,
I would have been tempted to perform a capital crime.

Nothing I've ever experienced hurt me like that taser did.

Aarond

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