The highlight of my day, coming home from work to laugh at these stories. Thank you for the laughs gentlemen!
Nice, thank you twoguns!
If I were a boy....
I would have walked back to the bedroom with the mom, shut the door, offered her $20 to stay there for 30-45 minutes and then walk out and shake the dads hand and say....she's out for the night and walk out the door! Bam! (Drop the mic moment!)Teach them a lesson and the young girl might put a stop to their antics too!
I would have walked back to the bedroom with the mom, shut the door, offered her $20 to stay there for 30-45 minutes and then walk out and shake the dads hand and say....she's out for the night and walk out the door! Bam! (Drop the mic moment!)Teach them a lesson and the young girl might put a stop to their antics too!
Who lies? For the record, I never knew (really didn't plan on knowing) you were such a dawg with women when you were younger. Or that you dated such wild women! You saved the best for last and forever!
OMG, turkeyrun ... If there was a gift certificate going out to the "winner" of this thread, dude, it would be you ... YIKES! 
I'm sure there is some guy out there (His name is Jeff ...
) who will tell you I was "his crazy *****" but fact of the matter is it was the other way around. Who buys a house (me), kicks the long-time deadbeat biker boyfriend with a record to the curb (me), starts dating a cop (me) and has the ex-boyfriend start stalking the NEW BOYFRIEND?!?!?!!? That's right ... Me ... If I'd been dating a lesser man, Jeff would have accomplished his mission, which was not to get me back, but to make sure I was alone ... bastard ... 
Talk about hysterical when we ran into him about 6 months after his last "talk" with GC ... the one where he thought he had accomplished his mission and GC was done with me ... He was like "Uhhhh ... ahhhh ... errrr ... I'm kinda surprised to see y'all together." GC just grinned. I was like "GTF away from me you #*$%&$*%^#*#&* piece of trash!!"
The guy he was with (his best friend) was like "
Dude, I think you just F'd up royally!"Yeah, I know they say there is a thin line between love and hate. He pushed me way, way, way over that line. I wasted so much time on that dude and his lies ...
I don't like it when people lie to me ... I have a list of things I can (and have) forgiven in my men as long as I am tall ... Lying is not on that list ...
thank you for my wife showing up and saving me from further dating horror stories. Belive me I had plenty of the bat crap crazy ones. I swore to myself if I ever become single again I will prob never date again.
The only real one I remember was when I lived in KS. Was setup by my manager on a blind date. Head out on date after I picked her up, while out one of my employees saw us out and crashed my date. Even still we stayed out till bar closing, I dropped her off at home. Tried calling her a couple of days later, no answer. Tried once more about a week later no answer. Asked my manager about it and was told she went off the deep end after I dropped her off at home and tried to kill herself (I know I am not a great catch, but damn never thought I would drive someone to kill themselves after a date with me).
Seems her and her room mate hag a knock down drag out over the roomie moving out, she went off deep end. She called me about a month later and apologized and said she had a great time and wanted to try again. We did, but ever after that the dates always were weird or strange. Tried to have a couple of sleep overs and she would run in her sleep, or talk about the pirates getting her then get up in the middle of the night and leave.
One night she left, called me the next morning and asked if I could fix a flat on her car but the kicker was it was in impound. Get there and she was past fixing a flat, she tore the front wheel off. Seems she left my house and hit a parked car. Left her car there and walked home. Home owner comes out calls police who come to chicks house. Wake her up and accuse her of being drunk and arrest her.
Ever after that and spending Christmas with her family things never got serious. Seems the crappier I would be towards he in not taking her crap the more she would want to be around me. Finally I had enough and had an out to move back home and left without even telling her. She finally called me almost 2 weeks later wanting to go out, I told her nice to see she cared enough to call me otherwise she would have known I had moved out town.
Never heard from her again.
The only real one I remember was when I lived in KS. Was setup by my manager on a blind date. Head out on date after I picked her up, while out one of my employees saw us out and crashed my date. Even still we stayed out till bar closing, I dropped her off at home. Tried calling her a couple of days later, no answer. Tried once more about a week later no answer. Asked my manager about it and was told she went off the deep end after I dropped her off at home and tried to kill herself (I know I am not a great catch, but damn never thought I would drive someone to kill themselves after a date with me).
Seems her and her room mate hag a knock down drag out over the roomie moving out, she went off deep end. She called me about a month later and apologized and said she had a great time and wanted to try again. We did, but ever after that the dates always were weird or strange. Tried to have a couple of sleep overs and she would run in her sleep, or talk about the pirates getting her then get up in the middle of the night and leave.
One night she left, called me the next morning and asked if I could fix a flat on her car but the kicker was it was in impound. Get there and she was past fixing a flat, she tore the front wheel off. Seems she left my house and hit a parked car. Left her car there and walked home. Home owner comes out calls police who come to chicks house. Wake her up and accuse her of being drunk and arrest her.
Ever after that and spending Christmas with her family things never got serious. Seems the crappier I would be towards he in not taking her crap the more she would want to be around me. Finally I had enough and had an out to move back home and left without even telling her. She finally called me almost 2 weeks later wanting to go out, I told her nice to see she cared enough to call me otherwise she would have known I had moved out town.
Never heard from her again.
You know God hates the Gingers, Right?!
He doesn't hate them, they just have no souls. LOL
I once dated a Vietnamese stripper. She wanted me to change her air filter in her 91 Firebird, I did. Two weeks later, the car overheats and she send me the repair bill, showing a radiator replacement, hoses the whole 9.
I asked how she came to the conclusion I was responsible. She said the mechanic told her that when I changed the air filter that I must have left the cap off the radiator. alrighty then! shady mechanic, I suspect...
2 lessons learned: never date a Vietnamese stripper and always remember to put the cap back on the radiator after you change an air filter!
I asked how she came to the conclusion I was responsible. She said the mechanic told her that when I changed the air filter that I must have left the cap off the radiator. alrighty then! shady mechanic, I suspect...
2 lessons learned: never date a Vietnamese stripper and always remember to put the cap back on the radiator after you change an air filter!
Well, I guess I'll kick in as well.
Internet meet, initial texts and calls went well. We decide to meet for lunch. I cruise down to meet her, and halfway there she tells me to come to her house instead of the restaurant - her car is dead. I'm fine with that. Pick the lady up and hit the restaurant. While there, she asks to borrow my phone to call a friend, and proceeds to invite them over. She tells me that when we get back to her place, she is going to have all her friends come over. I'm suddenly seeing an image of myself being blood-eagled on the backyard picnic table by a few dozen strangers and I tell her I'm not going to be there for that visit, that I will be returning home instead. The conversation then goes from odd to bizarre, as she tells me - on a first date - she thinks I have "great genes" and "I am going to do everything in my power to get pregnant by you, whether you want it or not."
By now I'm having trouble keeping lunch down, and I'm thinking I'd have had a better day staying home and whittling my fingers into points. I gather my wits, wish (not for the first time) that I had brought a flask along for the trip, and work on getting her back home. She keeps telling me how her friends are all going to love me and I'm past the point of making up excuses. I finally just said I wasn't going to stay because I hadn't planned on dating all her friends.
So I bail. She calls later and apologizes; says she was just nervous. Being a gentleman (or possibly just masochistic at heart), I figure I'll front her a little slack. I tell her that my friend and I are going on a trip for the weekend, and that when I get back I'll talk to her. In the meantime, please don't disturb the trip with texts or calls, etc..
When I came back, I had to call and tell her that the 24 texts, 7 emails, and two of the creepiest voice mails I have ever received (seriously, I looked out my hotel window at one point to make sure she wasn't sitting out there) were an absolute violation of every request I had made before I left and there was no way we were going to date again. At this point she got angry and asked if I was sleeping with the friend I took on the trip.
Closing that call was a wonderful feeling.
Internet meet, initial texts and calls went well. We decide to meet for lunch. I cruise down to meet her, and halfway there she tells me to come to her house instead of the restaurant - her car is dead. I'm fine with that. Pick the lady up and hit the restaurant. While there, she asks to borrow my phone to call a friend, and proceeds to invite them over. She tells me that when we get back to her place, she is going to have all her friends come over. I'm suddenly seeing an image of myself being blood-eagled on the backyard picnic table by a few dozen strangers and I tell her I'm not going to be there for that visit, that I will be returning home instead. The conversation then goes from odd to bizarre, as she tells me - on a first date - she thinks I have "great genes" and "I am going to do everything in my power to get pregnant by you, whether you want it or not."
By now I'm having trouble keeping lunch down, and I'm thinking I'd have had a better day staying home and whittling my fingers into points. I gather my wits, wish (not for the first time) that I had brought a flask along for the trip, and work on getting her back home. She keeps telling me how her friends are all going to love me and I'm past the point of making up excuses. I finally just said I wasn't going to stay because I hadn't planned on dating all her friends.
So I bail. She calls later and apologizes; says she was just nervous. Being a gentleman (or possibly just masochistic at heart), I figure I'll front her a little slack. I tell her that my friend and I are going on a trip for the weekend, and that when I get back I'll talk to her. In the meantime, please don't disturb the trip with texts or calls, etc..
When I came back, I had to call and tell her that the 24 texts, 7 emails, and two of the creepiest voice mails I have ever received (seriously, I looked out my hotel window at one point to make sure she wasn't sitting out there) were an absolute violation of every request I had made before I left and there was no way we were going to date again. At this point she got angry and asked if I was sleeping with the friend I took on the trip.
Closing that call was a wonderful feeling.
Last edited:
Similar threads
